Friday, December 31
by Karen Robert
Here are some of the best witty, humorous quotes about New Year’s Resolutions I could find. I thought that if you were thinking of sending a card one of these would help to spice it up a bit.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.
–Jay Leno
New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
–James Agate
Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
–Eric Zorn
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
–Bill Vaughan
New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.
–Charles Lamb
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
–Oprah Winfrey
New Year’s Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
–Mark Twain
Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.
–Judith Crist
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
–Anonymous
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
–Joey Adams
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
–Anais Nin
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
–Oscar Wilde
“It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.”
– William Thomas
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
–P. J. O’Rourke
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
– Bill Vaughan
I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.
–Robert Paul
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
–Anonymous
From New Year’s on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.
–Leonard Bernstein
Wednesday, June 16
by Karen Robert
Since so many of you read the Mother’s Day Quotes I posted a few months ago, I thought it was a wise idea to make things equal and post the 50 best Father’s Day quotes. I searched far and wide and sorted out the ones I thought worthy of including. I thought this would be a list of the top 25 best quotes, but there are more great sayings than I thought. This time I decided not to divide out the funny ones from the sentimental ones however, since most of the great quotes I found for Fathers were, in fact, mostly funny. Does this mean that Dads have a better sense of humor than moms?….Hmmmm. I hope you enjoy them and use them all on your favorite dads this father’s day. Go ahead, spoil them with a great card full of all sorts of praise. they deserve it.
1-”He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it”
-Clarence Budington Kelland
2-”My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.”
-Harmon Killebrew
3-’There are 3 stages in a man’s life: ‘My Daddy can whip your Daddy.’ ’Aw, Dad, you don’t know anything.’ ’My father used to say . . .”‘
-Dwight McSmith
4-”Dad, you’re someone to look up to no matter how tall I’ve grown”.
~Author Unknown
5-”Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers – and fathering is a very important stage in their development.”
-David M. Gottesman
6-”Fatherhood is pretending the present you love the most is soap-on-a-rope.”
- Bill Cosby
7-”Fathers, be good to your daughters. You are the god and the weight of her world”.
-John Mayer
8-”I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started”.
-Bertrand Hubbard
9-”Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said”.
-Mae Malloo
10-”The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, ‘Daddy, I need to ask you something,’ he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.”
- Garrison Keillor
11-”My father always told me, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”
- Jim Fox
12-”The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother’s always a Democrat.”
-Robert Frost
13-”You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s. He’s more particular.”
- Robert Frost
14-”A father is a banker provided by nature.”
- French Proverb
15-”Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad.”
-Anne Geddes
16-”Father asked us what was God’s noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are.”
-Louisa May Alcott
17-”A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.”
- Enid Bagnold
18-”I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”
- Sigmund Freud
19-”Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.”
-Ruth E. Renkel
20-”A man’s children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season“.
– Unknown
21-”A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.”
– Unknown
22-”Small boy’s definition of Father’s Day: It’s just like Mother’s Day only you don’t spend so much.”
– Unknown
23-”By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
- Charles Wadsworth
24-”When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’”
- Jerry Lewis
25-”I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.”
-Mario Cuomo
26-”A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, they would understand the dilemma.”
- Marlene Dietrich
27-”If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.”
- Bill Cosby
28-”A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he’s in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.”
- Bill Cosby
29-”When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”
-Mark Twain
30-”It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.”
-Anne Sexton
31-”A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.”
-Knights of Pythagoras
32-”Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.”
-Anonymous
33-”It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping”.
-John Sinor
34-”He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn’t afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures … but he was never in them.”
-Erma Bombeck
35-”Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.”
-Al Unser Jr.
36-”It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was”.
-Anne Sexton
37-”It is a wise father that knows his own child”.
-William Shakespeare
38-”The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.”
-Confucius
39-”It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.”
-Johann Schiller
40-”A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall but instead picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again.”
–Anonymous
41-”A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.”
-Paul Lewis
42-”My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding, and the baby at every christening.”
-Alice Roosevelt Longworth
43-”Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough.”
-Wilhelm Busch quotes.
44-”Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine a marriage and a carrer.”
- Sam Ewing
45-”Good fathers make good sons.”
-Anonymous
46-”One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
-George Herbert
47-”Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.”
~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
48-”Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”
-Red Buttons
49-”A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
~Author Unknown
50-”It is a wise father that knows his own child”.
-William Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice (Launcelot at II, ii)
Sunday, May 16
by Karen Robert
When looking for quotes for the captions on my vintage photo cards, I realized that some of the wisest things ever said were said by Winnie the Pooh (with a little help from AA Milne of course). He really is such a wise old bear. I realize that I’ve got to read these books. Amazingly, I never did read them to my kids all the way through. I watched the original Winnie the Pooh with them many times though. Sadly, I am not joking. Don’t bother sending me a comment that I am a pathetic mother, I have already said it to myself.
I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.
A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book.
A little consideration, a little thought for Others, makes all the difference.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book.
Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book.
I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.
– Winnie the Pooh
I used to believe in forever . . . but forever was too good to be true.
– Winnie the Pooh
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
– Winnie the Pooh
If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book.
If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.
– Winnie the Pooh
If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.
– Winnie the Pooh, Disney Pictures
Just because an animal is large, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
People who don’t Think probably don’t have Brains; rather, they have grey fluff that’s blown into their heads by mistake.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
Poetry and Hums aren’t things which you get, they’re things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book.
Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
Some people care too much, I think it’s called love.
– Winnie the Pooh
Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
They’re funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you’re having them.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
When looking at your two paws, as soon as you have decided which of them is the right one, then you can be sure the other one is the left.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.
– The House at Pooh Corner
You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.
– Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
I am making a card with my favorite of these quotes “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” I thought it would be a good card to give to teenagers because sometimes we forget to give them words encouragements. Though they seem to bungle along, they often do things right, more often than we give them credit for. I found an article at http://www.radicalparenting.com/2009/03/30/winnie-the-pooh’s-guide-to-raising-teenagers/ It is a funny article called “Winnie the Pooh’s Guide to Raising Teenagers”. I tell you, the Winnie the Pooh books are sneakily wise.
Sunday, April 18
by Karen Robert
I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve taken a few months off to be a mom. But now that I am back in the swing of things, I am realizing that Mother’s Day is fast approaching, (Kids: THAT’S SUNDAY MAY 9th). I thought it may be a good idea to research a few sweet sayings about mothers. You may want to include a little quote in your card, or in a quick e-mail in case you wake up on May 9th without a plan. Here are my favorite 25 sweet, but not too sentimental, sayings. I know my mother would like to hear them. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.
1- “Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.”
Anonymous
2 – “Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.”
Harriet Beecher Stowe
3- “Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to ‘jump at de sun.’ We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground.”
Zora Neale Hurston
4- “That best academy, a mother’s knee.”
James Russell Lowell
5- “Anyone who doesn’t miss the past never had a mother.”
Gregory Nunn
6- “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. “
Tenneva Jorda
7- “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
Rajneesh
8- “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
Author Unknown
9- “A man loves his mother the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.”
Unknown
10- “Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible”
Marion C. Garretty
11- “To the world you might just be be one person, but to one person you might just be the world.”
Unknown
12- “God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.”
Jewish proverb
13- “I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.”
Abraham Lincoln
14- “Mother – that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries.”
T. DeWitt Talmage
15- “There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.”
Chinese Proverb
16- “An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest. “
Spanish Proverb
17- “The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness”.
Honore de Balzac
18- “I regard no man as poor who has a godly mother”
Abraham Lincoln
19- “Who ran to help me when I fell, And would some pretty story tell, Or kiss the place to make it well? My mother
Anne Taylor
20- “A mother understands what a child does not say.”
Anonymous
21- “To a child’s ear, ‘mother’ is magic in any language.”
Arlene Benedict
22- “My mom is a never ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune.”
Graycie Harmon
23- “Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”
Charles R. Swindoll
24- “Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.”
Marion C. Garretty
25- “A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.”
Dorothy Canfield Fisher
