Thursday, July 15

Funny and Wry Quotes about Life

What card is complete without a quote? I have been working hard on making lots of greeting cards, and I thought I would share with you some of my favorite funny quotes and  non- inspirational words to live by.  It is hard to categorize them really. They are all just quotes about life’s big journey. Before each quote picture David Carradine  in that TV show “Kung Fu” saying “Remember my son…”. But instead he has a fake nose on. (Am I dating myself by invoking “Kung Fu”?)

I have illustrated some of the quotes with  a few of my card designs.

Always behave like a duck – keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath”.

–Jacob Braude

“ My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch.”

–Jack Nicholson

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.”

–PJ O’roarke

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”

–Edgar Bergen

“A little bad taste is like a dash of paprika.”

–Dorothy Parker

“A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table. There’s nothing wrong with them, but it’s hard to stop thinking about it.”

–Garrison Kiellor

“God writes a lot of comedy.. the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.”

–Garrison Kiellor

“I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.”

–Garrison Kiellor

“Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.”

–Garrison Kiellor

“It’s a shallow life that doesn’t give people a few scars.”

–Garrison Kiellor

“When you see a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists.”

–Stephen Fry

“Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.”

–Anonymous

“What if the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about?”

–Jim Morrison

“They say such nice things at people’s funerals that it makes me sad that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.”

–Garrison Kiellor

“Youth is wasted on the young.”

–George Bernard Shaw

“I intend to live forever, so far so good.”

–Stephen Wright

“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.”

–G. K. Chesterton

“Some of the worst mistakes in my life have been haircuts.”

–Jim Morrison

“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses.”

–Alphonse Karr

“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns.”

–Mitch Ratcliffe

“I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have weapons of their choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because, quite frankly, I wouldn’t trust the rest of the goobers in the world with anything more dangerous than string.”

–Scott Adams

“If it’s a job worth doing it’s too hard.”

–Scott Adams

“In less enlightened times, the best way to impress a woman was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was beter to own their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have to ride around with jerks.”

–Scott Adams